Type 1
(day at a time)

 

 A couple of weeks ago we had fought some sickness in our home. Anyway part of the medicine regime I chose was vitamin C. We are insulin dependent so if I can help with something more natural I will. However, Vitamin C will run those numbers up. I couldn’t figure out what had changed. I was going through all the scenarios. Maybe being sick had changed his chemistry somehow. If you know anything about diabetes there were a thousand possibilities. I believe this time though it narrows down to Vitamin C. 

 It’s so hard for me to go back to sleep, from a CGM alarm. So I lay here and pray. Think about what today holds, how we got here. Today even though my teenager years are long past my rear view mirror, I’m reminded of how terrible it is to be a teenager. The emotions, the peer pressure, the stupidity. No matter what I got myself into my daddy was there. What an example of Christ love for us. Whether we get tangled up into something by someone else or a product of our own making, our Father is always there. Now knowing how it feels to have your child rip your heart from your chest, I can understand just how much he loved me then and how much easier it is to love me now. Now we can share things, learn things together. This is a place of maturity. I think God bring these things to my remembrance  not as a reminder of a failure but as a reminder of the lesson learned, the mercy given, and the sacrifice of love.

 Bravery comes in all shapes and sizes, and places you don’t expect. His sugar feels out of control. High numbers, low numbers the sums of his feelings all wrapped up in these stupid numbers that control our life. We are excited with a good number and disappointed with a high one. As much as we know it isn’t a grade it feels like one. Mostly a grade on how I’m doing a poor job as my sons caregiver. I know that this isn’t the case but those are the thoughts I get when I’m tired. Sometimes I say to him, because children pick up on everything, that I’m not frustrated with him just diabetes. Which he understands. I’m only dealing with this one day at a time. I will not let FEAR control our lives. 

 The name of this blog came from a moment of weakness, a drop to your knees and pray that you can get back up again kind of moment, those times that even memories can't fade the severity.  My baby boy, my late in life baby, had just been diagnosed with Type 1.  I was devastated!  I was by myself in the hospital with a sick little boy, due to COVID restrictions. Only one parent could be in the room and no visitors; and this perky nurse had just left my room with a smile on her face after dropping that bomb on me.  I wanted to punch her, scream, yell, anything.  I politely took what little compassion she gave, and with tears welling up in my eyes, I shook my head to everything they said just to get them to give me a second to fall apart.  Here's where the name comes from.  I don't know about you, but the first thing I do when I feel like I'm drowning is call my mother.  I needed something to hold on to.  Something to cling to in my distres...